Friday, August 30, 2013

Rosh Hashana 2013

   As you may all know my life is filled with thoughts, contemplations (yes there is a slight difference between the two), memories, and dreams. Soon Rosh Hashana is arriving. In fact, it comes on the eve of September 5th and will be celebrated with going to services, probably at Tifereth Israel Synagogue and dinner with way to many people at my house. I know if you don't know what Rosh Hashana is you probably are all confused with the introduction sentence and the rest of this mediocre paragraph. To be honest like this paragraph I don't even know how to take on this Rosh Hashana other than to explain my what it is and hopefully I will figure out where to go from there.

  The reason I started about contemplation is because Rosh Hashana is all about contemplation. It is about deeply thinking and thoroughly observing what was in the past and what shall be for the year to come. Rosh Hashana is the Jewish New Year, with the literal definition being "head of the year." It is a time when we celebrate the creation of the world and Adam and Eve, and think about how we have lived our lives and pretty much list the reasons why we should ask for forgiveness when yom kippur arrives. In all honesty if you look at the high holidays which actually begins before Rosh Hashana although people believe other wise. Elul is like the Thanksgiving of the Jews (NOT RELIGIOUSLY) it's in the sense the prelude to Rosh Hashana like Thanksgiving is the prelude to Christmas. Elul is the Lunar month before Rosh Hashana, the last month of the year and in all honesty nothing occurs and nothing should occur between the first of Elul and Rosh Hashana. Elul is a month of making lists, thinking, and planning. Rosh Hashana is the time where contemplation and prayer takes place. Elul is the true time you look at everything in your life. For example this past month I have been looking at my life and planning. I have planned to finally face may fears of mine. I have grown closer to my parents already which was my goal in the past, I have finally started the process of joining the U.S. navy which I have wanted to do since sophomore year of high school and I am  beginning to realize that although change is not what I wanted to accomplish spiritually and emotionally it is what has occured in my life.

   I also have been contemplating the future and have been. I realize that I am one stubborn biznatch when it comes to what I see in my future and although I have preeched to myself and others that I am passionate about adoption in the future for myself I have to take into consideration the other people in my life. whether that be a significant other in the future, and especially my parents and family. I don't think people realize how important the thoughts and opinions of a brother, mother and father is to a person. If you haven't noticed although I call myself daddy's little girl I am also my mother's daughter and because of this put her intertwine her thoughts with mine. It's rather aggravating sometimes but what mother doesn't want her own grandchildren. Maybe I don't really have to think about that and Danny or Adam can be a great fathers some day to their biological children. The future for me as I contemplate this month and this coming new year is no longer a blur but puzzle pieces of numerous puzzles scattered together ready to be put together with the proper pieces to fit the image they were made to create.

  Rosh Hashana is about the past but not jsut about the f*** ups, and the regrets, the sadness and the forgiveness but it is also about looking at the good. It is about going back into the past year and thinking about the closeness that has occurred with my parents and my brothers, the success of taking the ASVAB test for the military, spending six amazing months in the Holy land, my second home and loving living life with my family there. It is about celebrating those moments as well. That is why we have Elul before Rosh Hashana. It is a month of listing all of that. Elul is the month where I make two lists. The good and the bad. Some years I will admit the bad out weighs the good but for the most part it has been a landslide with the good beating the bad.

To give you a small example of some things on my list, here it is: 
  • getting close with the family
  • maintaining weight and health
  •  6 beautiful months in Israel
  •  Disney park annual pass
  •  Following my dreams
  • Becoming more and more happy with myself
  • An 82 on the ASVAB

  • leaving Israel
  • Not facing certain fears (just yet).
  • No job
  • There is no CafeNeto in the states

 Now on Rosh Hashana or really on the day before you begin to plan for the year to come. You can do that with lists, notes, a book, a journal or even a blog considering that is what I am doing. What’s my plan? Simply put it is to see where the Navy takes me this year. I am first going to enjoy my cousins bar mitzvah. This year my cousin Mikey, Michael becomes a man. To be honest I already thought he was a few years back with how mature he portrays himself but to see him go up to the ark hold the Torah and give himself to g-d as a man, as a soldier ready to do what he should do as a man is going to be so amazing and the fact that he is beginning the year he becomes a man walking to cure diabetes says it all. After his Bar Mitzvah, I get to have another amazing celebration. I also get to spend the beginning of this year celebrating weddings. First a good friend, Danny’s best friend is getting married in South Africa and although sadly I am not going to join him in South Africa I will get to celebrate here with them and I will be there in spirit. There are other weddings I get the privilege of spiritually celebrating but most importantly (when it comes to weddings), soon after my cousin’s Bar Mitzvah I get to celebrate my cousin’s wedding. I have been on the bleacher’s of my cousin’s life for years enjoying watching her be the role model that she is. Going from Jewish Academy to USC to moving to Chicago to further her knowledge in psychology so she can be the psychologist she strives to be and to be close to her now fiancé. I have been there watching her father wake her up for school (which could take hours), I have made fun of her addiction to lemon and chips and I have been pissed when people in her life hurt her. Now I get to be there for one great day. These occasions right here are all I need in the next year.
   I think this is why I have been thinking and contemplating extra hard recently. Imagine all this good occurring in such a short period of time. Not just that but I have begun my own journey by taking the ASVAB and talking to a recruiter as well as place the dream of becoming a dietitian and a mother in my future (not this year though). What more could I ask for on this day?
   Rosh Hashana at the moment in my head is like a book of one of many classes taken at a college. I am reading the book for the class on Rosh Hashana and I ams tuck in understanding. So what should I do? Look at another book for another class called Yom Kippur. The last day of the high holidays (no, Sukkot is not a high holiday but a holiday that follows). It is the day you ask for forgiveness and I talk about forgiveness after planning and as does Hashem for in my opinion one reason and one reason only. You can’t ask for forgiveness, you can’t move on without knowing why you are moving on and why you are asking for forgiveness which is why you have from Rosh Hashana, ten days to think about that before Yom Kippur comes. SO I will leave you with that as my ending so I can celebrate Rosh Hashana and contemplate. I will eat my apples and honey, I will go to synagogue and in time maybe I will be able to share my reasons for saying sorry to Hashem (g-d), the people around me and myself.
Till Next Time

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