As you may all know my life is filled with thoughts, contemplations (yes there is a slight difference between the two), memories, and dreams. Soon Rosh Hashana is arriving. In fact, it comes on the eve of September 5th and will be celebrated with going to services, probably at Tifereth Israel Synagogue and dinner with way to many people at my house. I know if you don't know what Rosh Hashana is you probably are all confused with the introduction sentence and the rest of this mediocre paragraph. To be honest like this paragraph I don't even know how to take on this Rosh Hashana other than to explain my what it is and hopefully I will figure out where to go from there.
The reason I started about contemplation is because Rosh Hashana is all about contemplation. It is about deeply thinking and thoroughly observing what was in the past and what shall be for the year to come. Rosh Hashana is the Jewish New Year, with the literal definition being "head of the year." It is a time when we celebrate the creation of the world and Adam and Eve, and think about how we have lived our lives and pretty much list the reasons why we should ask for forgiveness when yom kippur arrives. In all honesty if you look at the high holidays which actually begins before Rosh Hashana although people believe other wise. Elul is like the Thanksgiving of the Jews (NOT RELIGIOUSLY) it's in the sense the prelude to Rosh Hashana like Thanksgiving is the prelude to Christmas. Elul is the Lunar month before Rosh Hashana, the last month of the year and in all honesty nothing occurs and nothing should occur between the first of Elul and Rosh Hashana. Elul is a month of making lists, thinking, and planning. Rosh Hashana is the time where contemplation and prayer takes place. Elul is the true time you look at everything in your life. For example this past month I have been looking at my life and planning. I have planned to finally face may fears of mine. I have grown closer to my parents already which was my goal in the past, I have finally started the process of joining the U.S. navy which I have wanted to do since sophomore year of high school and I am beginning to realize that although change is not what I wanted to accomplish spiritually and emotionally it is what has occured in my life.
I also have been contemplating the future and have been. I realize that I am one stubborn biznatch when it comes to what I see in my future and although I have preeched to myself and others that I am passionate about adoption in the future for myself I have to take into consideration the other people in my life. whether that be a significant other in the future, and especially my parents and family. I don't think people realize how important the thoughts and opinions of a brother, mother and father is to a person. If you haven't noticed although I call myself daddy's little girl I am also my mother's daughter and because of this put her intertwine her thoughts with mine. It's rather aggravating sometimes but what mother doesn't want her own grandchildren. Maybe I don't really have to think about that and Danny or Adam can be a great fathers some day to their biological children. The future for me as I contemplate this month and this coming new year is no longer a blur but puzzle pieces of numerous puzzles scattered together ready to be put together with the proper pieces to fit the image they were made to create.
Rosh Hashana is about the past but not jsut about the f*** ups, and the regrets, the sadness and the forgiveness but it is also about looking at the good. It is about going back into the past year and thinking about the closeness that has occurred with my parents and my brothers, the success of taking the ASVAB test for the military, spending six amazing months in the Holy land, my second home and loving living life with my family there. It is about celebrating those moments as well. That is why we have Elul before Rosh Hashana. It is a month of listing all of that. Elul is the month where I make two lists. The good and the bad. Some years I will admit the bad out weighs the good but for the most part it has been a landslide with the good beating the bad.