Wednesday, September 5, 2012

A New Goal

I think it is time to change things up.
I have spent most of the time being sick trying to fight through it and run (literally). The past month I have been fighting with myself. battling the truth that breaks my heart (figuratively and literally). Imagine getting so close to your goal, you can see it right in front of you and then something pulls you away. That's what I have been feeling like for a while. I would get so close and then this pain occurs and it pulls me away. The last "long" run I got to was about 5.6 miles. Don't get me wrong 5.6 miles is fantastic. It is a great run to be able to do. Everyone should strive to get to that point and then progress to a 10k which is about 6.2 miles. Then go for a half a marathon 13.1 miles and lastly a marathon 26.2 miles. From there you can go even farther. Here's the thing, you would think it was about bettering yourself. To some extent that is important but that's not the purpose to go farther, faster or both. Why should you do so? Because it gives you purpose. live life without any goals for a day and you will go crazy. 
I know I am rambling off topic. I have a purpose for doing so. This was going to be my journey, I was going to join the elite, join those who have shown me that it is worth striving for something. I spent some time with people like Seth, Dustin, Jen (former RLFH trainer) and Jen (Spin teacher and running buddy) being taught that it is worth running to the finish line, not to be the fastest but to enjoy the journey. The goal at the end is just the reason you start the journey. I have been motivated by many others in my life but this group taught me what it means to love to run. I have been battling myself because as I run I start with this smile on my face. I feel the breeze of the wind cooling me down as I begin to sweat, I feel my legs telling me I can go even farther,and finally every thought from my mind disappears except for the image of the finish line. On a good day I get to that finish line with all of my motivators right by me in spirit. On a rough day I get so close up until all of the feelings I have just felt, the breeze, my legs, even the empty mind is taken over by a shot of reality. After a minute or two of peace. of feeling nothing but pride and the wind I am attacked by that sharp pain right in the heart. I don't know what it is but it tends to slow me down during a run until it gets to hard to even try running. Not saying that I am still dying from pain like I used to and in fact I think I am perfectly healthy.   What I am saying is the battle has been telling myself that it is time to wave the white flag and realize that like some people out there I just wasn't meant to run a marathon. It hurts when you are so motivated by others and when you don't want to disappoint those people and say what you need to say. So I am officially waving the flag and saying to my motivators forgive me for searching for a new goal that won't hurt so much. 

Now I have to add some goal to achieve. I don't go through the journey just to have a journey. without an end it really isn't a journey to begin with. Even life has an end, and what keeps us going is an image of what we want that end to be. For my new goal I am going to say this.... It will allow me to see America! It won't be for at least a few years till I am able to get this goal down because it will take time and I need to finish school first and begin this little crazy thing called a career, but it will be done. Of course with major goals you need smaller goals as check points so I am going to leave you with an image of the first check point which will also take some time just to train for. according to images I have to learn how to climb as well.

I guess the lesson is that even though I am technically quitting, even though I feel as though I am letting people down in my life I know that is not the case. I am doing what is right for me and everyone needs to learn when to say it's time for me to raise the flag and rise up again in a different light. So to go by the words of the late great Walt Disney " Around here we don't look backwards for long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down to paths."

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