Thursday, February 2, 2012

Today's thoughtful walk

Most of the day today was like yesterday. mainly homework and work. the to differences were 1. No eggs or egg after shock and 2. the most needed walk ever. I was planning on doing a run but I am so glad I went for a walk instead. I would tell you that fear got the best of me and I ran instead but for some reason I knew it wasn't fear. For some reason something else was telling me to just cool down and let yourself escape for a while and I did. I walked for an hour and a half just barely thinking about things that had nothing to do with work or school which felt great!!
I thought about the past, high school, college, and Utah. I thought about How much I miss high school and how grateful I am for PHHS and ROTC. I keep on saying it and I know most of you don't really understand it but coming back to PHHS instead of going back to the academy saved my life, ROTC saved me and I miss it. I thought about college, really I thought about my friends cause let's be honest I hated the college aspect of college but I love and miss my Sonoma friends. When it comes to Utah it is for sure what has changed me the most in life and I will come and visit at least in the summer and I will find a way to be there again and be apart of Kol Ami. I miss it soooo much.
Of course than I thought of my ICNIC cause thinking about Utah had me thinking about being sick and the night she flew in from the airport cause I was in the hospital. I am missing her to. Darn her going to Barcelona without me! I hope she is having a good time. anyways every time I think about that night and all that I put my parents through this past year I am so grateful for them. If you ever watch your parents watch you going through the most intense pain ever here is something you really need to know. It feels great to have them there when it's over, but to be honest it hurts more that you are watching your parents not know what to do and fell helpless than it is to feel the pain of whatever is happening in the body. Three moments in my life I would like erased. 1. pretending to be asleep when my ICNIC came in that night and watching her give me this painful kiss on my forehead seeing her daughter look like death. 2. watching her come out of her car seeing me on the ground looking like death. And 3. seeing both my parents not know what to do when I can't get rid of the pain.
of course all of these thoughts led to happy thoughts like the fact that I am healthy and taking care of myself, even though I have a lot to do I love what I am doing, and tomorrow is my birthday I get to spend it with almost everyone I love in this amazing family of mine.
I guess that is it for the day I just wanted to right a blog here and tell you all of that.

Till Next Time

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