Friday, December 23, 2011

the saddest run/walk I have had

Trying to write a blog about to day and say something catchy to begin but I am really tired so I am going to just get to the point of things. 
I woke up did some studying for my nutrition certification, went for the most amazing massage done by Kitten who is truly gifted I know I also got a massage yesterday but yesterday was an impromptu healing massage and today was essential oils wake up warming orange cinnamon back massage that was just spectacular. after that I went to find Bekka a Chanukah present. I think this is the first year I got her just a plane old gift card. I couldn't figure out what to get her. after that I went for a run which is why I am writing this blog. 
I went to lake murray. the entire run is about 10k. 5k to the end and 5 back. I got to the end in 30 minutes wondering why I was having a rather mediocre run. once I got to the end touched the fence and turned around I slowed down to a walking pace and just started bawling. at first I didn't know why. for a few seconds I was laughing in between crying. I felt like I was back in Real Life for Friday cry day. No joke the entire walk back the whole 5k I was crying. I did figure out why during the whole thing. for starters I miss Utah all to much. I miss having friends I can talk to about things, I miss the people I can be myself with and I really really miss actually having a life. I know I gotta go try looking for a life here in SD but honestly every time I try I am always scared I am going to bump into someone I know and have an awkward moment. People don't know me completely here which is my fault but to be honest most people wouldn't want to know. Anyways, after all of the missing Utah blah blah blah was going on in my head the one thing that popped into my head was how I wanted to go back to the Park City art festival. That was an interesting day to say the least. It was a great day with two of my favorite RLF roommates (probably my favorite). That got me crying even more. The reason being is cause it will probably never occur again but hopefully I will be able to head to anaheim when a certain someone comes back and I wouldn't mind going to New Orleans (if you don't understand this then don't even bother trying). I will say that we were some weird twisted family and I miss that so much. Don't get me wrong I love my real family a little more but it felt nice to have people in my life I didn't have to be cryptic with or walk on eggshells around them. Although I am so cryptic about things I am sure people have figured things out by now. People are probably just in denial or something like that. This run/walk of mine lasted about an hour and a half when I came home ate dinner and have been feeling exhausted from it all and then realizing that I need a life away from this house of mine. To repeat myself a little bit I am praying to g-d that when I do get the courage to do so I won't have an awkward moment with bumping into someone I know. It would just be weird. 
Now I am questioning putting this up online for the fear of having a million and one questions and comments from people but the truth is I am to tired and to annoyed with myself from being so bummed to really care about the questions and comments. 
Till Next Time 
Nicoly! 

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