Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Missing Utah

Ok after a great day today with a fabulous run on the beach I have come to the conclusion that I am missing Utah right now. No joke the entire day I have been wanting to text friends in Utah for a movie night at the megaplex but I can't :(. I know I shouldn't be complaining about life right now. I have the best family ever. They are taking care of me and spoiling me like crazy and I have a great new internship that will open doors for me.
Have you ever had everything and wish you can share it with a person that you just couldn't talk to at that moment. I feel like that just with everyone in Utah. I am healthier than I have been in a long time, I am more successful in life than I have been in a long time and when I wake up in pain I have parents who are right there to grab me the most comfortable blanket and to just let me into their bed like a 5 year old kid who just had a nightmare. The perfect life but when people ask me "doesn't it feel great to be back home." First thing in my head is home is in Utah. I know that it might be because I still have all my stuff in Utah and because Tyler keeps on teasing me about eating a nut burger at Sage's Cafe and because I really want to go to Cahoots to get Chanukah gifts for people. I guess I just have to be used to SD being home as it has been for most of my life.
Another big thought that has just been pissing me off is that it just brings me back to Israel. I know that the decision isn't the one I want to make. I know that I am meant to go back to both Israel and Utah. The difference between Israel and Utah is that in Israel I had to choose between mental health and mental health. what would suck more. to be honest the first 1/2 year back in the states just sucked and I really thought of moving back as a mistake but if I didn't come back I wouldn't have gone to Utah. So then I get to Utah which leaving as you may know was more physical vs. mental health. The physical won for the moment. back in SD with this great life I just can't celebrate with the people I want to share it with.
I could also be thinking this because I am tired as can be from this crazy busy week and because I have been thinking about the fact that Adam will be going to Alexander Muss next year and all I have been thinking about is how cool and scary and weird it would be if I went to go visit him which lead me to thinking about how similar the situations are. Not wanting to leave Israel and not wanting to leave Utah. If you all haven't noticed me not going to bed early enough leads to me thinking and me thinking is just not cool. A good night sleep will get rid of all of this.
Don't think I am some depressed emo chick who doesn't appreciate what I have in life because I am loving life I just really really really miss Utah.
going to sleep now to wake up to another great busy day
Till Next Time

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