Thursday, November 24, 2011

Thanksgiving 2011

It's been a little rough this year but as my father and his father before him believe, there is always something to be thankful for. I have a great life with a great family and some pretty great friends all over the world. So as I celebrate thanksgiving the day before I go to Utah before I pack up my things I remember what I am thankful for. I am thankful for my family; for my little brother who with even a busy schedule and a bunch of friends still enjoys a night out with his lame big sister to See a great movie; For my older brother who has taught me more than he knows just by acting like a great older brother; and for my parents who have been there through everything even when I am slightly annoyed at life and taking it out on them; for my grandmother wanting to try to make me dinner (sorry grandma but already am bringing deliciousness to dinner tonight); and for the long list of fantastic cousins. If you don't know this I probably have the biggest family out there. each and every one of my cousins are special to me and for that I am thankful.
I am also thankful for my amazing friends that I have all over America and the world. Who can say that they have friends in South America, Israel, Europe, Canada and so forth. To be honest a couple years ago I couldn't even say I had many friends in San Diego. I can say that I am thankful for the small group of friends I do have here in SD and the immense amount of friends everywhere.
I am thankful for the new internship I have, where it hasn't even been that long and I am already learning way to much.  I am thankful for this amazing SD weather and the amazing snow I will hopefully see when I go back home to Utah. I am thankful for Kol Ami, a place I truly put my heart and soul in and I don't even think that came close to repaying them for all they have done for me.
I am thankful for the doctor and the real awesome nurse who has informed me that I will be eating plan boring foods for the rest of my life.
Most importantly I am thankful for my growth. Now this is where the question marks pop up into your head and some of you might even be thinking "really, that's a little selfish." that's what I am thinking but just here me out. I have been able to say a few things in my life I couldn't have a couple years ago. I would not have been able to tell you that my goal is to run the Disney Marathon, I could not have been able to make the decision to get an internship, and I would have never ever ever been able to say I bet I can make a mean breakfast for my family. I would be to lazy (of course I cook cause sleeping through the morning will never happen).
There is this one memory that has popped into my head; years ago Bucky was trying to get me to walk up Cowles Mountain. To be honest I hated it. Try having a friend try to get you to work out because your mother is a nag. (sorry ICNIC but you were one annoying mother at that age). I never made it up there. In fact I didn't make it up to cowles mountain till I think I was 17. Think about that 1.5 miles of a small hike up a little hill and I refused to walk up it. Now I can tell you that I can get up to the top and down in under an hour and enjoy doing it.
Last reason for my thankful growth is simply that ask me a couple years ago to pinpoint the positives in my life while just exhausted from pain I would have laughed. but seriously look back at the blog i have just written, go back to when I mentioned pain all those times in my blog and on facebook; I sound like one sick depressed person, and although I am a little bummed that I have to leave Utah and want to strangle anyone who says welcome back home I will say that I am still the happiest person out there and have the greatest life. That is why I am thankful for my growth.
To top it off I am thankful that my mother made e a small deal that includes her going to Disneyland with me :) DLAND TRIP after Utah!!!
So I ask of you all to be thankful for everything great in your life. and post your number one Thanks because I am a curious person.
FYI today is going to be great. Preparing for tonight, working, going for a walk, and spending my thanksgiving with family. I doubt this will top thanksgiving day shawarma in Israel but it will be up there.
Till Next Time

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Missing Utah

Ok after a great day today with a fabulous run on the beach I have come to the conclusion that I am missing Utah right now. No joke the entire day I have been wanting to text friends in Utah for a movie night at the megaplex but I can't :(. I know I shouldn't be complaining about life right now. I have the best family ever. They are taking care of me and spoiling me like crazy and I have a great new internship that will open doors for me.
Have you ever had everything and wish you can share it with a person that you just couldn't talk to at that moment. I feel like that just with everyone in Utah. I am healthier than I have been in a long time, I am more successful in life than I have been in a long time and when I wake up in pain I have parents who are right there to grab me the most comfortable blanket and to just let me into their bed like a 5 year old kid who just had a nightmare. The perfect life but when people ask me "doesn't it feel great to be back home." First thing in my head is home is in Utah. I know that it might be because I still have all my stuff in Utah and because Tyler keeps on teasing me about eating a nut burger at Sage's Cafe and because I really want to go to Cahoots to get Chanukah gifts for people. I guess I just have to be used to SD being home as it has been for most of my life.
Another big thought that has just been pissing me off is that it just brings me back to Israel. I know that the decision isn't the one I want to make. I know that I am meant to go back to both Israel and Utah. The difference between Israel and Utah is that in Israel I had to choose between mental health and mental health. what would suck more. to be honest the first 1/2 year back in the states just sucked and I really thought of moving back as a mistake but if I didn't come back I wouldn't have gone to Utah. So then I get to Utah which leaving as you may know was more physical vs. mental health. The physical won for the moment. back in SD with this great life I just can't celebrate with the people I want to share it with.
I could also be thinking this because I am tired as can be from this crazy busy week and because I have been thinking about the fact that Adam will be going to Alexander Muss next year and all I have been thinking about is how cool and scary and weird it would be if I went to go visit him which lead me to thinking about how similar the situations are. Not wanting to leave Israel and not wanting to leave Utah. If you all haven't noticed me not going to bed early enough leads to me thinking and me thinking is just not cool. A good night sleep will get rid of all of this.
Don't think I am some depressed emo chick who doesn't appreciate what I have in life because I am loving life I just really really really miss Utah.
going to sleep now to wake up to another great busy day
Till Next Time

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

pumpkin peanut cookies to a rough day to meeting Miri.

ok last night I made some bomb cookies it consists of 3 cups of rolled oats, 10 Tbls of PB2 and 1 cup of pumpkin puree with stevia to taste. bake at 350 for approximatelly twenty minutes and YUMMNESS!!!
To today... it was rough, terrible, exhausting and really one of those days where I was just upset at myself. first I had an attack to the extent of stealing sleep from the parentals. SORRY!!! I woke them up around four. As I was reading Tami's status today lets just say I laughed a little because I felt the same way when I woke up my parents kicked out my mom out of her side woke up my dad got him to skooch a little so I can snuggle in between them :). I guess there are perks to being home but I do feel bad. about 30 minutes later I ended getting my parents to wrap me up in the most comfortable blanket we have, and tuck me into Danny's bed because my room was to cold for me. fun thing to do at four in the morning. One great thing to add is my mother asked if I turned up the heat this morning when I didn't I am assuming a certain father did so to keep me warm :). I am telling everyone I have the two greatest parents out there. No matter what they will do what they can to help me even if I ask them not to.
After a day of being to exhausted to have a fun time at costco and 99 cents store. I am feeling better but still so tired!It's one of those days when I look in the mirror and I smile at how awesome all of this change I have gone through has been but is it truly worth me waking up my parents, the chest pains, being so spaced out that I hit a family friends car, or just to exhausted to even be satisfied with the fact that even though I am so tired and feeling so bummed I still ended up doing some form of a workout. it wasn't a bootcamp style workout like intended it was more like try to do as many push ups as you can before closing your eyes in sleep but it still did the job for the day.
typing all of that I know it is worth it but I just don't like these days where I screw up all because I am too exhausted to do anything right during the day.
Things will get better... to brag a little I get to have dinner with Miri Mesika!! :) I know most of you don't know who she is but she is a huge singing star in Israel and I am oh so stoked! The dinner will be filled with a bunch of people my mother doesn't even know that well but I feel like it will be worth it. at least I hope it will be.
FYI 4 more days till the Alzheimer's walk/run. Please donate at not going up to SLC area yet which is an epic bummer but hopefully that will occur after I get tests done.

gotta go get ready for MIRI MESIKA!!! only an hour and half left. :)
Till Next Time

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

All this BS and still doing good.

writing this blog on behalf of the Inspirational people in the world.
Today I went on facebook and saw on a friends facebook that Sarah passed away. For those of you who don't recall this I ran a 5k a couple months ago called Sweatin for Sarah. this was a run to find a cure for Sarah who was battling cancer. Unfortunately Sarah passed away. I have been thinking about this all morning. I got to meet her and meeting her I remember saying to myself "other than the missing hair she looks pretty good for a girl who is fighting cancer." No joke that is what I thought. than I look at myself thinking "why can't I look like that fighting some little allergies?" today I put it in my mind that it is because she looked at life and said to herself... Life is Good!! Even battling cancer she had it good. She had great family and friends who created a run just for her, she had people she didn't even know running for her and she has done more for others than anyone can ask for. So although she fought cancer she also was able to spend the day watching people run for her and come to the end of that run on a motorcycle. Sarah you are an inspiration to many!
Second inspirational story of the day. I put up a video of this man with no arms or legs. His moto is "No Arms, No Legs, No Worries." he talks about people asking him why he is always smiling and what he says is amazing.   He truly has no worries in life. He has a great life. He can do what almost everyone can't do and he has a way of looking at life that most people don't even consider.
I think about Sarah I think about the video I watched about this amazingly inspiring man and say to you and myself this: When I complain, When I am in pain, When I want to take a shotgun to my computer because of Blackboard I do have worries at that moment but life is good. I have a great family, great friends, I am now in a city with perfect weather and I just have no complaints about life.
All of this brings me to my next little complaint today which is the Socially F***ED up people who don't have the balls to ask: Hey, Nicole could you be throwing up, or not eating? rather than go up to my parents and make assumptions because I refuse to eat your nasty fattening food that makes me literally sick. Here is why these inspirational people make me think about you- Because I look at them and think there is no way I would allow myself be any less of a person than the inspirational people in the world, there is no way I would allow my meeting with Sarah to be in vain, and there is certainly no way I would let the little worries that have nothing to do with living life bring me down to that level. Which is why today I have had grapes with greek yogurt mixed with protein powder and some spices, homemade oatmeal with turkey bacon and cactus fruit, split pea soup, Salad, Oregano brown rice with chicken, squash seeds with cottage cheese, and there is still more yumminess to come. So no I don't throw up and believe me while in uber sick more there are moments I wish I did, and no I don't starve myself I love food to much and I wouldn't give you the benefit of actually being right.
And now I feel like Ms. Congeniality in that scene when she is doing the Q&A. you all know that scene. She says this amazing speech and everyone is all inspired and adds a last minute comment that you question but in the back of your head you are saying you go girl. however I doubt any of you are really saying you go girl at this point. I am just sick of people giving me that look of is she, is she not, she is? how about just ask. I will be honest with you. Ask anyone who actually knows me, I cannot tell a lie.
Second little B.S. Message of the day... been really wanting to go back to SLC area like a week ago but haven't yet planned on doing so after the 5k in St. George but nope have some testing for allergies to be done. So going to St. George gonna run a 5k Dedicated to the greatest grandfather out there and come back to SD. and no not happy about it and no I still don't see SD as my home yet but I feel better, I feel healthy and I have my family who have been amazing but please stop telling me I should be happy to be back. I am not. I am not happy to be back in a community where people don't have the balls to come to my face and ask me if I have an eating disorder and I am not happy to be without Kol ami and without Treehouse and without everything I gained in Utah. I am greatful to be with my family who are willing to do everything for me including tummy rubs, and including being awaken in the middle of the night on a plane because I am really not feeling well, and including eating my weird breakfast experiments. I am hoping in time this will lead to me figuring out how to be happy back in SD for good cause honestly I feel so healthy right now. Which is why with the small B.S.s in my life right now Life isn't just good, It's great!
Till Next Time