Thursday, September 29, 2011


All Righty Today is all about the Jewish New Year. In perspective it isn't really just the Jewish new year but the new year for a few others in the world. It's just The new Year on the Lunar calendar. Every time This New Year comes along I think about that a lot when this day comes. I think about this book I read many years ago. If I recall the name of it is Numbers? I don't remember the name but I remember this chapter like I watched it in a movie. The main Character with her family on a train trying to get out of Germany. A soldier comes up to them and asks.... Why are you traveling? is it for the New Year? a test and they wisely reply no. think about that. for a second... At that time it was a test you are Jewish if you celebrate the New Year during this time of year. Now as a jewish culture not only are we proud of who we are but today we go out to the park as a community and show the world that we are a strong group of people that really love celebrating the New Year. There really isn't much about it that is different from the regular New Year. For one thing it is a time to celebrate with the people you love and most importantly it is a time to look at yourself and say how can I change this year to make you proud. However the small yet important difference is who you are talking to when you think about who you are changing for. For the most part you want to change for yourself but honestly that really you ask yourself January 1st. You say to make myself more proud of myself I need to...... But on Rosh Hashana, the "jewish" New Year you look at g-d where ever you think he is and you say.... " dear Adonai, I am sorry for making my mistakes and now for the new year I would like to be a better person for you. I hope I can do that for you. So think of it this way for the Jews and some others out there in the world you get to New Years resolutions One for yourself and one for G-d or whatever Higher being you believe in or if you don't believe in anything take that time to ask others how you can be a better person in their eyes. I know that sounds ridiculous technically I am trying to tell you to change for others but thats not what I am saying at all. I am saying listen to those in your life and pay attention to your flaws so that when January first comes along you can say ok I know what I need to do to be a better person in my life. friends no more about that then you do. 
Which leads me to my next question I ask Hashem and I ask all my friends reading this what "change" would you like to see in me. And if it's to wear more pink like some have mentioned the answer is absolutely not. 
On another holiday it is really nice to be home with family for the holiday. I do miss Utah and a little jealous that every one is having a fabulous time at their Kol ami picnics but family is what new years is all about. 
So today I had breakfast with Bekka who is basically family, went to services with the family which makes me miss Kol Ami. Honestly rather disappointing services, and I am really sorry if I offend people saying that but really? don't say you are not going to get into politics and then have others give speeches about politics in some hidden way. This isn't the time. I left early cause well gotta love those pains. I am kind of grateful for it at that time. It was the perfect excuse to leave. not saying that I felt any less Jewish leaving. I did my own little thoughtful prayers at home I asked Hashem myself what I need to do to be a better person this year. To be honest I don't like the answer back. And no I am not one of those crazies on the streets of New York screaming to the top of my lungs about G-d thinking we are all Damned. I know what this year for me is going to be about. All I have to say is Adonai Ta'azor li. I hope I have the strength for what's about to come.  It sucks growing up! 
On to tashleich! after my own little prayer time, and some studying I went to Lake Murray before tashleich for a walk/run and then Tashleich. A tradition the night of Rosh Hashana where you through your sins away. No Joke, you take bread crumbs each one is supposed to represent a sin and you just toss them into the lake. hopefully the ducks go for it. Every year for me it's the same thing I toss a bunch of little crumbs for the typical sins (lying, cheating, etc..) and then one massive piece of bread. This piece is supposed to represent the biggest sin of the year. As I got to that piece of bread I thought to myself what would be the biggest sin of this year? This is when I make my choice of what I need to do in the next year. I toss the big chunk of bread into the lake and as a sign this gianormous seagull dives in and grabs it. Why this is a sign?... because no other creature went for any other bread. Usually the ducks wait till after everyone tosses all there bread. but this seagull just went for it. Darn seagull made it official! 
Now I am at home after being bailed on by Bekka (for a good reason).  I am actually enjoying it. everyone is out doing there own thing and I am writing my blog which I haven't done in a while. 
Thinking about tomorrow. I am getting an Ultra sound done, I think I mentioned but I don't recall mentioning it so I am going to repeat myself. Ultrasound done of my lungs because according to St. Marks hospital I may have a nodule on my lungs however I didn't find this out until recently "WTF?" not gonna lie slightly disappointed I am not getting it done in Utah. Only cause I get it done by the same person every single time in Utah. It's kind of nice getting comfortable with a person who gets that close and personal with you. I guess I will have to tell you how it goes when I finish. Really getting to the point in life where I am ready to go back to good ol Utah! I miss my Utah Jews and plus I gotta get my lesson plan done for my class :)!! 
Oh FYI if anyone knows an alergist in Utah I could definitely use one. 
going to bed early after no sleep last night...
Till Next Time 

Saturday, September 24, 2011

the things I say when I am in pain.

Today was actually pretty great.! I woke up to a beautiful crisp morning so I decided that a run must be done. it took me a little over an hour to run 6 miles. which means I got to attempt a ten k soon. after the lovely run I went to services. I really love Kol Ami. It feels like home when I am there. I can't wait to go back tomorrow to teach some people Hebrew. I promised Tyler that after services I would take him out to lunch for a belated birthday lunch. We went to Sage's Cafe. for those of you who are in Utah why haven't you told me about this GEM! it was amazingly delicious! I got portabello mushroom tacos. here is where the day gets a little interesting... I asked for gluten free and they accidently put on this mock cheese that isn't gluten free. the waitress actually warned me and wanted to take it back for me but I told her it wasn't a big deal. which it really wasn't and that cheese made the tacos that much more yummy. An hour later though it wasn't really worth it and I should have had her bring it back. I really do think my issues are some how food related because I ended up at BNB on the bathroom floor in pain. called the ICNIC cause well anytime I have an attack like that I need her. went outside and spent about 30 minutes in pain. of course it was the typical conversation with her while this is going on.... "you want me to come?" NO, "You want to come home" NO! I just need you on the phone. however I think I made it official that I am going back to SD a little sooner than I planned after I said I need to come home for good. for some reason that is the first thing in my mind when I can't breath. Its not I should go to the hospital or maybe I should get someone to help, its I want my ICNIC and I want to be home. looking at it now it just seems childish. To be honest I don't really care. I love Utah and what I have in Utah but family right now would be nice. People assume that it's about having company there when stuff like this happens, which don't get me wrong is nice but even after becoming friends with the people who work at BNB I really didn't want them to know what was going on I just wanted family. It's weird I have spent forever thinking I didn't care about having my family there and that a phone call would work but this year I have learned otherwise. so one year I learn to be happy with who I am and to keep myself strong and healthy so I can stay happy. the next year I learn that I want to be a nutritionist/trainer and that I really would prefer being In SD with the family. if only I can bring my friends from Utah and Kol Ami to SD and life will be perfect.
After the whole situation I continued on working on the lesson plan for tomorrow's class which I am really stocked about. I love that class! I have already learned a whole lot in that class and I have only taught one session. maybe I will finish off the few weeks of classes and then go home?
Right at this moment I am continuing the lesson plan soon I will go into the kitchen and do the dishes and then to bed a little early.
Till Next Time

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

two days of driving

I have to tell you about the past two days. they were days filled with driving and  just downright bad luck while doing so.
I started driving yesterday around six after making breakfast for the family I hope you guys enjoyed it. forgot to get onto the 15 so I had to take the 805 decided to stay on it for a while. In LA I nearly got into a horrible accident. some guy three cars down decided to break check everyone behind him. I ended up swerving so bad I was on the side of the freeway facing the wrong way. Thank You A**WHOLE! lucky no one got hurt and I was able to pull a uturn and get back on track quickly. After that nothing epic until vegas! in between I kind of knew I wasn't feeling well so rather then do the full treck all the way to SLC I texted Steff asked her to crash on the couch. Thanks STEFF!!! before I got to St. George I stopped in Vegas for lunch which I will admit was delicious went to that restaurant in the palazzo again. This time around I got the portabella sandwich. the most amazing sandwich I have ever had! After kunch I had a few minutes so I decided to play one game. wheel of fortune. I won 60 bucks :). my luck changed right after. As I was grabbing the ticket to take it to the cashier I got really sick and ran to the bathroom completely forgetting about my cell phone. I left it at the game and when I came back it was gone. I spent way to long trying to find that phone which was never found :(!!! so I am phoneless at the moment. to top it off I really wasn't feeling well. I decided to just leave and figure things out when I got to St. George. as I continued driving I don't really understand why but I had the worst pain. it was so brutal that once I exited the freeway being 2 minutes away from real life I turned into the denny's parking lot and just fell to the floor. weirdest thing is that after 5 minutes of me trying to get someone's attention in denny's it just stopped. so I just decided to continue my drive. Got to RLFH and everything was alright after that. went to this amazing sushi place with Steff, Colton, and Thomas. seriously that was the best sashimi platter I have ever had. that was pretty much yesterdays crazy day. Today wasn't as crazy. I did bootcamp with RLFH. it was leg day today and for those of you who are having dreaded flashbacks right now it hasn't changed. those donkey kicks still hurt in the best way. I crawled to my car after that so I can get to Verizon. Turns out some guy in vegas called up bekka asking for money for the phone WTF!!!!! My daddy being as awesome as he is stopped service to my phone and got a new one being sent to me thanks to insurance!! which means new phone coming soon! after that fabulous news I went to my favorite breakfast place to get my favorite granola muesli. I also brought my homework to do for a few minutes. left around 12 and headed home to good old South Jordan. not gonna lie though this entire day has been feeling pretty painful but I really don't get why so I won't get into those details. time for bed so...

Till Next Time

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Weekend of sadness and joy!

This weekend is an interesting one historically for the country and for myself personally. First off today is the Birthday of my grandfather. s after doing some homework I went with my family to the cemetery to wish him a happy birthday. For those of you who have been reading my blog from the start may recall a blog about me not being honest with him about me wanting to be able to know who I am as a person. A couple weeks ago I wrote a letter to him for today. explaining exactly who I am. and wishing him a happy birthday. So today along with my amazing family I went to the cemetery. In my hand  I have this letter folded up so no one else can read it (fyi would like it to stay that way) and a rock that I got forever ago on my first hike in Utah. whats amazing to me was the number of rocks on his stone. For those of you who have a ? above your head wondering why a rock? It's a Jewish tradition, flowers die down but rocks live on forever like the heart and soul of a person no matter where they go they last forever in our hearts. My grandfather was loved by many and that makes me a proud granddaughter and a thankful granddaughter. the short period of time I got to know my true grandfather before he became sick was amazing. I couldn't ask for a better gradngather.
I do have to talk about one other person in my life that unfortunately passed away a while ago and I have mentioned him before, Grandpa David!!! As I was putting down the letter and rock on my grandpa's stone and wishing him a happy birthday I get a glimpse of another stone, Grampa dave taught me basketball and would make me smile anytime I would see him. It is amazing the feeling you get when you walk  into someones home or even just see a person out in the world and you see their pride in you. that is what Grandpa Dave was like. at dinner last night I got the greatest comment ever! I told gramma lucy that I ran a 5k and the first thing she said was Dave would be so proud. She doesn't know this but that seriously just made everything that has happened this past year and a half worth it. all the hard work, all the sickness, the weight loss, the days when I just want to scream because I am stressed over school,  everything was worth it! I know that grampa Joe and grampa Dave are proud of everything I have done this year. I miss them both oh so much.
Now for the rest of the day I decided I needed to have a happy day so I went to sushi at Banbu with Adam which was delicious and a movie, The Help which is by far the most uplifting movie I have ever seen. you know Its a good movie when mid move most of the people watching are clapping. Tonight I am going to go spend time with bekka and see another movie.
Tomorrow will be well 9/11 and yes we should all remember that and take that moment of silence to remind ourselves of that day, but also remember that tomorrow is also a celebration for those who have great grandparents. Tomorrow is also Grandparents Day!! I know I have and have had great grandparents so I am not going to be mourning for long tomorrow. I will be celebrating my grandparents. 
FYI I am missing Utah!
Till Next Time

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

going to the dr.

First let me tell you about yesterday cause I forgot to do that. nothing really special occurred during the day. I did homework and went to my grandma's place for labor day which was nice. I loved I do love spending time with my family. Today was kind of busy to some degree. did some homework, went to get my car fixed up :) I love getting fixed here. there is this place that I go to all the time and they treat my car so well. I went to the day spa to make an appointment for some stuff, then to downtown with my daddy for something he had to do and then to DR. Braverman who honestly made more sense than every other doctor I have been to. some stuff was a little much honestly I don't think I can take that many meds all at once and still debating on if I will but we shall see maybe I will do one step at a time. FYI the way it was explained to me was that my insides are still what they were when I weighed over 260 pounds which can cause a whole lot of pain, kind of like the little boy's heart in the move John Q but with my intestines. it was rather entertaining to watch him work. it was like watching a painter think about the next stroke he is going to paint. Every little thing I told him and every little thing he noticed was like a stroke, creating this painting that eventually becomes more than just strokes on a canvas. it becomes a hand made picture. I guess that is just how I feel since he is someone I know. he also mentioned that it could be like that indefinitely which kind of sucks and answers a lot of questions I have been having and now I just want to say screw that. I should explain a little more. FYI while I am explaining myself please feel free to disagree with me and give me another option ( I have been wanting that).... I was thinking about what to do cause being in Utah is where I want to be but it is nice to have my family around when I feel like crap. of course I have been thinking about coming back to SD, but only because I have a few family members calling me and begging me to do so. Honestly I have thought about in extremely painful moments but I never actually wanted to. After leaving Salt Lake Area, away from all the smog I realized I could breath. Which brought the thought back into my mind. I got to San Diego and felt like I could breath but still had quite a bit of pain. Now I am doing loads better, I can breath still and I am starting to be able to eat like normal with out the feeling of being suffocated by food. This isn't because of medication because I haven't taken medication in weeks and it's not a mental thing because to be honest I am so much more happier in Utah. Today though when I left Dr. Braverman all that was in my head was ok we have an answer I want to go back home to Utah, and then I got home and thought to myself if I were at home (in Utah) I wouldn't be weirder out by the new housekeeper because I don't have a housekeeper (although it would be nice to have someone who enjoys doing laundry), I wouldn't feel weird in my own bed and I wouldn't feel uncomfortable about going to some coffee shop to do homework. To top it all off I went to watch the Baseball game, Padres vs. Giants up top of my brothers apt. all I could think about was the bees game and how it would be nice to go to another game and how I am so ready to get into my car right now and start driving back up home. however the more I sat there the more realistic thoughts came into my head. I thought about what would occur when I do go back, I would feel sick from the air, I would have those conversations with my mother that would scare her and want her to fly up to Utah just because I am feeling pain for an hour. to top it off I did tell myself that if this is some chronic thing I would come back. I know that sounds ridiculous because I could take care of my issues with some medication but I know myself. I am not going to want to take anything and I will probably "forget" from time to time. like the other night. I forgot to take lactaid before having a shake and that was not the wise choice. In those moments I really don't want to think I want my mommy and only be able to call her. I think it would be easier if I could call her and she was only a 5 minute drive away. even though she isn't even here right now still that was and is the big pro of coming back to SD. the other one is the fact that if I come back to SD I won't have to do the dishes all the time which would be awesome. I really do hate doing dishes. Anyways thinking about I have a feeling that once I get my car back I will back up and go but that wouldn't be wise cause that would be tomorrow and even I am not that irresponsible enough to just bail before I get the medication that I have to take. I have also come to the conclusion that the smart thing to do is to listen to everyone else but I honestly just don't want to. I want to go back to South Jordan and go to boondocks for the day, or to lagoon, to be honest the first thing that pops into my head is going to synagogue. on friday I so want to go to services at Kol Ami. I miss it sooo much. Then I thought of the Alzheimer's walk coming up on the 17th and how I am so down for that and this 10k coming up as well. FYI totally ran in the rain today, it was the most amazingly orgasmic feeling ever. I don't know why I decided to do so but it was so worth it. Now going off to bed because I am just ready to pass out... again if you have any reason why I shouldn't listen to everyone I would much appreciate it Till Next Time Nicoly!