Friday, April 8, 2011

decisions decisions

So the past few days I have been getting better but today was just down right terrible. I thought I understood why I was sick but I really don't. I woke up feeling off because I didn't get much sleep last night due to some of the pain but I thought I was ok this morning and well I did a little mini workout. it wasn't even much of a work out. it was well what some people here at real life say is "working out" if you catch my drift. I barely moved. Ya I know you all are kind of upset at me right now. but keep in mind it wasn't till later on in life when the pain came back. it was actually while showering. I know I shouldn't have even attempted to workout since I have been dizzy since last night but I just couldn't handle doing nothing. Anywho as I was driving back from dropping off my mother at the airport, I was having a tough time breathing once again. oh ya by the way my mother left but not before we had to start this discussion that is getting me hard because I know she is right but I really don't wanna! I am talking about going back to SD for a little bit so we can figure out what is going on. Apparently when you know a bunch of doctors you can get a diagnosis a little faster than usual and well I do want to know what the hell is going on but I really don't want to for a few reason's and just here me out. 1. work, I actually really enjoy it and want to get back to it like yesterday. 2. I can lose this semester of school if I do this. I know I can come back and all but really that is a whole semester! when about a week ago I was told that I would graduate earlier than first expected. really. 3. I really wanted to fix this here in Utah. find a way to get the right doctor to help me out in Utah my new home. Why can't that happen? 4. today I got this awful strong gut feeling that this is a whole lot more than just post surgery pain. I don't know why I got that thought but I did and now that is all I can think about. I thought at first I was thinking this ridiculousness because I am just tired and because I am sick of feeling like this but than something happened at costco today. I couldn't stop smiling. I was happy and awake and still thought to myself this all might just go away soon. I don't know why I don't know how but something might stop it. again I am really tired and all of this is just a bunch of horrible sleep deprived thoughts but I do need some advice on the matter. should I go home for the week and figure out what's wrong or should I actually attempt to figure it out here? going to bed to think it through.
Till Next Time

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