Sunday, April 24, 2011

writing what i write...

So some of you may notice that recently my statuses and blogs have been somewhat negative. However most of you know me enough to no that most of these blogs aren't really me. Then you ask yourself why or there are those who don't know me at all and question why I am such a negative person. Well I am not a negative person. My life is great I have fantastic friends including a best friend and a family that means everything to me. I have an amazing new life here in good ol' Utah with a fun job and a great school which I will hopefully be re-enrolled in early fall. So life is near perfection. Hashem has given me a gift with this life of mine and I wouldn't ask to trade it for anything. However in a world where there are challenges rag person is put to numerous tests. My last epic test was in Israel and I will say I failed that one big time. This time around I am given a different test. This time around though there is no right way to go about this. I am just given this pain and have to decide what right answer to pick. So back to my title... I have web writting these depressing statuses and blogs because it is my outlet. I am able to think straight when I type things up like this. I didn't start writing these blogs for you guys no offense. I started writing cause it was something I an look back at all of this when I start loosing my mind.
Any who I am writing this blog because today was tough. It was painful and exhausting I couldn't stay awake for the day and I think I did loose my mind today at work. Work was fun though tom is an awesome boss with an awesome doggy it was a fun day. Which I had to remind myself that. Aside from this pain and being sick of being sick life is perfect I couldn't ask for a better life and I wanna look back at this blog when this all blows over and remind myself of that.
So I ask you to not look atvthe negative posts and think who the heck is this person but keep in mind that I am just fighting a mental battle that will go on for a bit so my apologies. I hope I can bring you some awesome blogs once again.
Fyi today is also steff's bday I got her what I think is a fun gift I hopefully will get to give it to her tomorrow.

Till next time
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Sunday, April 17, 2011

a great day with the little bro!

Alright cut out gum outta my life officially and um I feel amazingly better. which may be an issue because I really need some form of addiction that keeps my mind off of food. hmm....?
on a good note, today was awesome. I spent it with my Star little brother! We went to the farmers market in Hillcrest which was actually really fun to go to. next time we go I am totally bringing cash with me. We had a delicious lunch there and then instead of going straight home decided that an impromptu trip to the zoo would be an excellent idea. No joke we were seconds away from getting on to the 163 to go home and instead of staying in the left lane we got into the right lane and turned right to head to the famous San Diego Zoo. The semi-annoying thing about it was the traffic there and the attempt to find parking. apparently everyone had the same idea we did. It was a busy day at the zoo today. it was probably the perfect weather today. The zoo was so much fun. Honestly you see one zoo you see them all but I haven't been to the SD zoo in years and to top it off I spent my time there with Adam so it was near perfection. We saw the pandas, elephants, monkeys, and all the other animals in that giant zoo. I forgot what it was like to be in a giant zoo. I was getting used to the little tiny zoo that I have been to in Utah. We actually spent a few hours at the zoo which I wasn't expecting and it was awesome up until I got home and realized that I got epically sunburned. no joke I was wearing a tank top so a good amount of me is burnt. I am not used to getting burnt on my shoulders it's a weird and painful feeling. I will admit that everything we did today was so worth the burn. I just hope it goes down for tomorrow night.
FYI tomorrow is passover which means no bread. ya after cutting out lactose, gum and artificial sweetners out of my diet I have to spend a week with out bread and still stay healthy with matzah in the mix which for those of you who are unfamiliar with the disgustingness none as matzah it doesn't taste good at all and it isn't even near healthy for you.
The countdown by the way is three days! three days till I am back in Utah and I already plan on getting back to my fitness routine I know and love and back to work.
Till Next Time

Monday, April 11, 2011

my brothers!!

Today is filled with doctors apt. I am lactose intolerant (who knew). Fyi I can workout tomorrow!!! I don't know what's going on with school. I shall call them tomorrow. I saw insidious tonight. Great movie!! Recommended to all who love scary movies.
Let me tell about both my brothers. Mostly my big brother because I have been talking up my little brother way to much. But I am proud of him so why not. My big brother I am equally proud of just for different reasons and today he turns twenty four! My big brother has been the secret parent since birth. When I got my license he was the one who pushed me to drive on the freeway when I was afraid so he is the reason why y'all are scared of driving on the freeway. Danny is a money makig family man who is just like his grandfather. Seriously it is scary how much like him he is. Anyways I need to wish him a happy birthday for the world to see because he is that great! Happy birthday big brother!
Till Next Time!

Friday, April 8, 2011

decisions decisions

So the past few days I have been getting better but today was just down right terrible. I thought I understood why I was sick but I really don't. I woke up feeling off because I didn't get much sleep last night due to some of the pain but I thought I was ok this morning and well I did a little mini workout. it wasn't even much of a work out. it was well what some people here at real life say is "working out" if you catch my drift. I barely moved. Ya I know you all are kind of upset at me right now. but keep in mind it wasn't till later on in life when the pain came back. it was actually while showering. I know I shouldn't have even attempted to workout since I have been dizzy since last night but I just couldn't handle doing nothing. Anywho as I was driving back from dropping off my mother at the airport, I was having a tough time breathing once again. oh ya by the way my mother left but not before we had to start this discussion that is getting me hard because I know she is right but I really don't wanna! I am talking about going back to SD for a little bit so we can figure out what is going on. Apparently when you know a bunch of doctors you can get a diagnosis a little faster than usual and well I do want to know what the hell is going on but I really don't want to for a few reason's and just here me out. 1. work, I actually really enjoy it and want to get back to it like yesterday. 2. I can lose this semester of school if I do this. I know I can come back and all but really that is a whole semester! when about a week ago I was told that I would graduate earlier than first expected. really. 3. I really wanted to fix this here in Utah. find a way to get the right doctor to help me out in Utah my new home. Why can't that happen? 4. today I got this awful strong gut feeling that this is a whole lot more than just post surgery pain. I don't know why I got that thought but I did and now that is all I can think about. I thought at first I was thinking this ridiculousness because I am just tired and because I am sick of feeling like this but than something happened at costco today. I couldn't stop smiling. I was happy and awake and still thought to myself this all might just go away soon. I don't know why I don't know how but something might stop it. again I am really tired and all of this is just a bunch of horrible sleep deprived thoughts but I do need some advice on the matter. should I go home for the week and figure out what's wrong or should I actually attempt to figure it out here? going to bed to think it through.
Till Next Time

Tuesday, April 5, 2011


Today was awesomely just terrible. I was fine while doing some intervals. They were light and short I promise. However while at real life during their breakfast hour I started getting chest pains and couldn't breath. I know I should have gone to urgent care right then but I just couldn't bring myself to do that. Instead I went home showered, and went to school to let my teacher know I was heading to urgent care. Heres the knee slap of the day; there was a sub for the class. As I was writing a note for the teach cause I got there early the sub walks in and after asking if I were here for kinisiology she told me I looked terrible and let me sign in and leave. How awesome is that! I went to urgent care after that with steff who is amazing by the way. After being x-rayed and getting an ekg done they sent me to a real hospital cause of my low heartrate. It got into the thirties at a point which apparently is to low. At this point the pain wasn't terrible but it was there. I peed in a funny little cup got blood drawn and did another ekg and xray. After all that I watched some tv with steff till I passed out. Did I mention how awesome steff is. She was there with me the entire time. After a short nap I woke up with epic chest pain. I totally thought I was having a heart attack but apparently not. After a ct scan and a near hilarious rookie of the year incident with the doctor they still don't know what's wrong with me. So they sent me home with pain med prescription. I went to dinner at marie calendars. With steff cause I was starving! I didn't even get hospital food. Except for apple juice and crackers cause of a low glucose level. So I was in need of food. At marie calendars Jessi and trish came by with gabe. They are also awesome. It was a great conversation and a good laugh. After dinner I got some pain meds andnow I am home about to pass out. Good night
Till next time
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Monday, April 4, 2011

First day on campus

Ok so other than being in the bathroom every time a teacher calls a break (which is every hour) today was a decent day. I had a painful workout in TRX which I am totally doing every Monday now! it was great aside from the stomach pains but what can I say I am a glutton for punishment.
My classes for the first day on campus were MS Office Application and Introduction to Business. Summary of them both is this... I have a great teacher for both classes considering that both are taught by the same teacher who believe it or not is actually awesome. He doesn't shut up and in business class he talks to fast but he is interesting which is good for a class that ends at 10:00pm.
I have learned a lot today and the one thing that I have been taking is that business is just downright evil and corrupt it's just a matter of doing things legally. for example people who own businesses really don't pay taxes if they know how to work the system. really not a shocker but that is just one example. now we are getting into corruption and I am still waiting for Bernie Madoff to be mentioned but hasn't happened. We are talking about E commerce and identity theft. Ya by the way still in class learning a lot but I am trying to stay awake and this blog is helping out a whole lot.
I hope I do well in this class I just hope I actually get the book to it since the bookstore sent me the wrong books.
Now to get to probably what most of you want to hear.... did I go to the doctor today? No, No I didn't but I do have an appointment on Wednesday I will end up going. This is one thing I can't promise but I will try... I will try to take it easy. I will still workout I will still go to work and I will still go to classes. I will however try to add little naps when I can and I won't go as hard as I can in workouts which believe me is already breaking my heart. but tomorrow I will wake up and be at treehouse and get some sort of workout in. I don't know if that is what you all really want to hear but here is something you should hear... Thank you all for being such amazing friends. I honestly have been feeling like someone who is just sucking in energy from all of you this week cause I haven't been myself and for some reason you all still show my lovin so thank you all!!!
Till Next Time

Saturday, April 2, 2011

sick of being sick.

For a while now I have been feeling sick. Now here is where it gets a little bit personal and maybe uncomfortable for some so if you don't wanna no about my fwmaale issues I recommend leaving this blog asap. Now to get on with it. I haven't had my period since october. No I am not pregnant. And yes I am positive. Recently I believe my problems have gotten worse. I don't know what to do. Well I do know but I really just don't want to. The reason why I have to is because I think the stomach pains are caused by it and it really has been affecting my workouts and work so I am on my phone looking for someone as we speak. I hate taking care of myself. It's just down right uncomfortable.
For the good in life because there is always good inlife.... I have been cutting down my run time. Today I got to work all day which just means a fat check for myself and tomorrow is a day off of life. At least I hope it is everytime I say that something happens that changes that. I really do just wanna get out if the apt tomorrow so if anyone wants to hang out let me know.
One other great thing is the fact that I am about to go to bed early so goodnight all!!!
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