Monday, November 15, 2010

Change.

Well today was a half day. I am not talking in a sense of I only worked out for half a day but in the sense of I had half a great day and half a mediocre day. I woke up awake and happy kicked butt in bootcamp, did cardio for hours and did pretty decent in intervals. After that it was just a crash after lunch as I was walking to the locker rooms from upstairs my knees gave out. They both kind of hurt a lot. Luckily the chiropractor helped a little bit but it still hurts a whole lot. I tried to do more cardio tonight and it just didnt work. I got a mental break from the pain in bowling it wad fun. I got a turkey! Not really but brad showed me how to change my score. I would talk about dinner but marky wasnt there to make me someyhing yummy. Its wierd how I rely on people so much. I can only do pt with certain people I can only eat the food if its cooked by specific people or go hiking with a certain person. I have had this issue with everything in my life and I have come to figure out the reasoning to it. There are actually a few reasons. 1. Is cause I really do find it yo be slightly sentimental. 2. Is cause I am not gonna have an experience that is any worse than what I experienced. If I have had better food or a great pt why would I go any lower than that and settle. 3. I hate change especially if it doesnt change for the better!
I understand that change in life is needed and I will accept it and learn to live with it and even love it if its good. When its not good why should I accept it. Why should I except not being able to do pt with my favorite trainer or accept the fact that people are leaving me. Oddly enough I hate when I have to change.
I have been changing this entire time and I am still debating on if I like it. I love the fact that I am working out more and wanting to do more with my life and I lovr that I am more open with people but I hate the fact that all these changes keep me away from what I have loved and still love. I hate that me changing is an expectation of me doing what others expected of me just cause my weight has changed. I hate the fact that the only changes that certain people see in my life are the ones that they wanted to begin with. So let me lay out the ground rules of who I still am... I am Nicole Recht! I am a jewish girl from san diego with the greatest craziest best friend that will never change. I lovr sports and working out that also wont change. I dont like shopping or stupid little fads that people come up with that are just down right stupid. I love disney and video games always and forever. I will always even in time of pain try to keep a smile on my face and when I am mad I will do something stupid like cuss out seth or write this blog. Most importantly I love my family no matter how much we fight or how much I hide from them. To come to a simple reasoning for writing all of this... For the past month I have been told by people in variuos places I my life that I have changed. Some in fact to most it is the changes that I want them to notice. I havent changed who I am just how I live life. Some people dont see that they just see the changes they want to see and aknowledge those changed when ib reality those are the changed I didnt want to happen. Ok its mostly just one person but I dont wanna name names. Fyi I thinl about this all the time if you havent noticed by the ridiculously confusing blog.
I think.i am going to try to stop confusing you so...
Until next time
Nicole
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