Sunday, November 7, 2010

I think way to much but this time it may be a good thing.

went to church with Jen today. It was a great experience. Last time I went we only got to do the first hour because of pioneer Day and this time I went through the whole three hours and it was cool. I learned a lot and it reminded me of why I'm here. What that means is this. The first class was about sacrifice. We talked about sacrificing our treasures in life and this one guy said something close to we sacrifice oir treasure for a different treasure. As he was saying this I kept on thinking about the navy and how I gave that up. The past few weeks I have been sort of Confused and angry at myself for getting rid of this awesome dream of mine that I have had for so long. The more the conversation went on it came clear to me. I just had to sacrifice that dream for a new dream. To top that of I had to figure out why. Why would I have a dream to give it all away and it hit me that dream brought me to utah. I have gotten so muxh out of utah and now that I have gotten to here it's time to sacrifice it, move onto a new dream.
Now time to get to the second class. Before I get to what I learned here just know that this only occurred once in my life and I jumped right back up from it. The conversation was about paying attention to g-ds hand and when he helps. The first thing that popped into my head was Israel. Let me tell you all what happened in Israel and why I decided to come back home from that. I went through a whole lot in Israel I couldn't handle it one night I hit my lowest point. It was the typical image of scissors in hand wrist ready to go and as the scissors touched skin a sudden knock at the door. There was g-ds hand! i know it's sounds ridiculous especially coming from me but here me out. I really am not a complete believer in that I believe that g-d left us to have free will and what happens happens. For some reason though this was the first thought in my head. You are probably asking who was really knocking. Three friends of mine we were supposed to go out for a friends birthday and I forgot all about it. We went out bought some chocolate and on the way back there were sticks on the ground shaped like a smiley. Which is why I am obsessed with smileys by the way. After that and a couple weeks of screaming at my mother I decided it be time to go home.
Why am I telling you this now? 2 reasons to the question. First obvious one is those thoughts popping in my head. The second reason is that Cause of all this ridiculous weightloss and me not eating away all my emotions every ounce of feeling is coming back to me which fyi sucks. I think I have it under control now but I never really know here at real life. I do believe I am gwtring back to who I became here the first time. All of this ended with me chilling with jen and her boys for a little bit. It was a great productive day. Even with everything going on in my head.
Tomorrow the week starts again so till next time
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